The day after we decided to place Talia at a residential school, right after she bit the bus driver and a few weeks after she broke her frenum and almost fractured her teeth, my husband and I watched Cycling in Japan. Over 20 years ago, we traveled a lot together and the show reminded me that we will able to again, but I was still feeling down, thinking about missing my Talia.
On July 1st, we dropped Talia off at school and said goodbye. I had to hold back my tears on the car ride as I would not want Talia to see that. I admit with being responsible for her 24/7, not even able to get medical testing or go to a doctor’s appointment, I felt like a large weight was taken off me. All the stress of providing her education and managing her behaviors especially with my husband’s heart surgery, I was able to sleep through the night again. I have good memories of taking her miles on her trike, baking with her, teaching her to read sight words, working on her counting and other skills, and it was rewarding to watch her progress. Yet, I was constantly living on egg shells and resented after managing self-injury with bloody noses at all hours of the day and night, helping my husband after his surgery, every night having to write out the schedule of the educational programs I worked with her that day, which I may need to show at an impartial hearing to seek tuition reimbursement, even though if I did not pay for a school, Talia would not have gone to school at all. The NYC school district did not offer me any placement for the 2019 2020 year. My concentration got so impaired that I once put napkins in the refrigerator and turned on a microwave after putting a metal pot inside. Fortunately, after 30 seconds I noticed sparks. I actually found working on Memorial Day relaxing, not being interrupted from a special education lawyer, an expert witness for my daughter, or someone from the Committee on Special Education, so I could just focus on my patients and enjoying taking my daughter on a ride on her tricycle during a long lunch break.
Now that Talia is away, I am calmer, well rested, and she appears happy at her new school, Judge Rotenberg Center. We went to visit her a week after dropping her off and she was in good spirits, enjoying the blueberry pancakes I made her for lunch and playing on the swing in the backyard. She smiles and is calm even when it is time to say goodbye.
Yesterday, I got to catch up on medical testing and an MD appointment, and like the show we watched, I decided to bicycle into Manhattan, an over 28.5 mile round trip, which took almost four and a half hours. I was afraid to valet park my car or take public transportation due to COVID. Yet, it was a nice adventure. Going there, I stopped at a red light while other cyclists passed in both directions. When the light turned green, a car driver from the opposite direction, called out “Good job!” I took pictures from the Queensboro Bridge. I really enjoyed myself, and finally attended to my medical needs. My daughter is safe and happy, and I can’t ask for anything more.
My Bittersweet Freedom: Talia at Residential School