Governor Cuomo recently questioned why school buildings exist. Although we need social distancing now, this statement reflects a poor understanding of individuals with disabilities and a complete lack of empathy for working mothers who now in addition to being school teachers, physical, occupational and speech therapists, still have to be housekeepers, shop and work jobs.
Since Talia has been out of school, her sleep is more disrupted, and aggression and self-injury have increased. Since school closed, I have lost five pounds, even though I had to cut down on my exercise due to time constraints. After two nights of waking up in the middle of the night with self-injury and bloody noses, aggression, being unable to get back to sleep deprived and completely stressed out, I had my IEP meeting.
I told the district representative that Talia had been awake in the middle of the night two days in a row and all about her bloody noses, risks for traumatic brain injury, how she lacerated her frenum and almost broke her teeth, why I felt she needed a residential educational placement, she literally yelled and screamed, although I never raised my voice once, used any foul language or engaged in personal attacks. I was so upset after the meeting, it was hard to focus doing curriculum with Talia, although I tried my best. That night, despite my sleep deprivation, and Talia actually sleeping, I was up at 430 in the morning. While I understand the Committee on Special Education (CSE) and I may disagree on services, my decision to place Talia in a residential school was very agonizing, difficult and painful, and at least government employees can behave civilly, maybe even offer a statement of empathy. Two days ago, the same woman from the CSE emailed me, and just seeing her name I felt like jumping out of my skin, and after that I was sleeping off and on the whole night, one of the nights Talia slept well.
Yet I have to say, I am privileged. I have an education and some financial resources, so I can advocate for my child. I also have a husband who helps me with Talia during the night, runs a few programs, and cooks once in a while. He cooked dinner after my IEP meeting. Yet, if schools were to remain closed, many mothers will not be able to return to work. Sometimes, I find it very hard to focus on the job. I have a sitter for Talia when I am working but she can’t always manage behaviors by herself and I have to interrupt my sessions. It is very difficult and perhaps unrealistic to serve my patients well after my daughter just attacked me, especially after a night of disrupted sleep.
I am trying to be an unrealistic supermom just like many other moms out there, hopefully not getting sick in the process.